test blog 5

"I find it really difficult to ask for help." I've heard many people say this. I don't know if I ever said this myself, but as a teen and then young adult, I definitely tried never to ask for help, and seldom would allow myself to accept any. When I needed help of any kind -- physical, financial, emotional -- I would feel uncomfortable and deeply indebted, for relatively small actions. In New York City, where, like millions of New Yorkers, I didn't own a car, if someone gave me a ride home, I would thank them profusely. Years later, living in Mississauga, I offered people rides home all the time, and realized it was not that big a deal. The same goes for being asked to stay for dinner, or being offered a cup of tea or a glass of wine in someone's home. A simple act of friendship or kindness, especially from someone I didn't know very well, seemed like Such A Big Deal. This is certainly one area where our world makes it more difficult for men. Asking for he...

I avoided the Kavanaugh hearings as long as I could. I used to take a special interest whenever survivors go public. I'd read everything I could, write letters to newspapers, speak out on social media. Send a note of support to the woman. Find the sisterhood, share the pain. This hurt, but it helped, too. I think most people who have publicly shared private pain will attest to that: it hurts and it helps. I'm unwilling to do so any longer, or at least I'm unwilling to do it right now. I avoided all of it. I put my head in the sand. But it found me anyway, as my entire Facebook feed filled with news stories, personal essays, memes, and outrage. I could have avoided Facebook, but that felt like punishing myself. I saved them all. I planned to do one long wmtc post with all the reaction. I found the time, but not the will. I started having PTSD symptoms again. Or I should say, I started remembering them, because apparently I have them a lot but I'm not aware of it. Really,...

First of all, I do not apologize. I have nothing to apologize for. No one should apologize for having an unpopular opinion, or an opinion that the majority finds offensive. Second, I said nothing disrespectful to veterans. My utter lack of respect -- my undying contempt -- is for rulers whose policies send humans into unnecessary armed conflict. Those rulers pay lip-service to "supporting" troops, while their policies ensure more humans will suffer from the effects of war. If you're joining us in progress, here's what you missed.  Before the election, I took all my personal social media offline. We knew that the opposition would dedicate vast resources to digging up or fabricating anything they could use against NDP candidates. For some reason, no one directed me to remove wmtc links from the Wayback Machine (i.e., internet archives). This proved to be a grave error. A right-wing political hack who masquerades as a journalist received excerpts from some old wmtc posts...

As part of my continuing efforts to post here rather than -- or at least in addition to -- Facebook, here are some thoughts on the latest horrific massacre in the US, the country music festival in Las Vegas. First, the inevitability of recurrence. When hearing about mass shootings in the United States, the worst part -- the most tragic, the most outrageous part -- is the certainty of knowing that nothing will change. That it will happen again, and again, and again. A solution is known, of course. We won't end the culture of violence that permeates the US, but we can end access to large numbers of deadly weapons. The fact that the vice grip of a deadly special interest group outweighs the basic human rights of life and safety speaks volumes about the US political system. The congressmembers and senators who are bought and paid for by the NRA can never wash the blood off their hands. Second, the true body count. Allan and I were talking about what it might have been like to be there...

The Evil Hours: A Biography of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is an outstanding book -- meticulously researched, but written in a compelling, accessible style, and with great humanity and compassion. Author David J. Morris unearths the social and cultural history of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), the fourth most common psychiatric disorder in the US. He surveys the potential treatments. He explores the role of social justice in our understanding of PTSD. But above all, Morris confronts the meaning of trauma, in society and in his own life. Morris was a U.S. Marine stationed in Iraq. After narrowly escaping death, he returned home questioning everything he thought he knew -- and eventually having to face the reality of his own trauma. Morris' dual role as both researcher and subject give this book a unique power as history, social science, and personal essay. People have known for centuries, for millennia, that traumatic events produce after-effects, but different cultures ...

Still war resisters. Still in Canada. Still fighting to stay. So far, the change in government hasn't helped the Iraq War resisters who remain here, nor the ones who were forced out of Canada who would like to return. The Trudeau government could do this so easily. And yet. The CBC Radio show " DNTO " recently did an excellent segment about the US Iraq War resisters and the fight - still going on - to let them stay in Canada. When American soldier Joshua Key fled to Canada in 2005 , he never imagined that ten years later he would still be fighting a war — against the U.S. army, against post-traumatic stress disorder, and against the Canadian government. Key is one of an estimated 15 Iraq war veterans who are fighting to remain in Canada. The resisters left home to avoid being sent back to a war they didn't believe in. Today, they fear they'll be sent to prison if they're deported. On this week's DNTO, you'll meet modern war resisters. Each of their sto...

As I mentioned (almost a month ago now), our pack of four is moving to a new den. We're going to stop renting houses, as we have done for the past ten years, and move back to apartment life. Although I've adjusted to the idea, I'm no happier about it. I'm heartsick that we'll no longer have the private oasis of a backyard. We've found a great apartment: three bedrooms, two bathrooms, well-maintained building, lots of green space outside, dog-friendly building (it's the law in Ontario, but not always followed or enforced), good location for both driving and transit. Honestly, had I seen this apartment when I lived in New York, I would have considered it luxury. Now it just makes me sad. But there's another factor involved in this move, a big, drooling, barking factor named Diego. Drooly Boy In our old house, before the flood , we were working with Diego on better on-leash behaviour, especially his reactions to other dogs. Off-leash at the dog park, Diego...

Corey Glass, war resister from Canada by way of Indiana, speaks out from his travels in Europe in the current issue of  NOW . I'm not going to bother to tell you that the Iraq War was wrong or quote the UN handbook on refugees, Geneva Conventions, Nuremberg principles or trials. Nor am I going to try to convince anyone that soldiers should have the right to say no, that prosecution for a belief is persecution, or that recruiters lie. There's no reason to talk about that, or about how Canada didn't take part in the Iraq War. Or why Canadian troops are in Iraq now. Everyone knows what happened and can find information on all that online. I'm fine with my choices. I have to deal with the repercussions of them every day. I didn't take the easy road to do what I believe was right. And I don't really feel I need to convince anyone otherwise. I will talk about what has happened to me since I quit the U.S. Army, went to Canada to escape the war and, after eight years t...

I've been thinking a lot about Kevin Vickers. By now the world knows Vickers' name: he is the sergeant-at-arms of the Parliament of Canada, and his quick thinking and courage undoubtedly saved lives. Vickers shot killed Michael Zehaf-Bibeau, who had already killed one person and appeared intent on killing others. Vickers is a hero. But my thoughts of him are filled not with adulation, but with sorrow. Imagine going to work one day, a day like any other, and by the time the day is done, you have taken a human life. You have killed a man at close range. What could that be like? It would not be surprising if Vickers will grapple with flashbacks, night terrors, or other forms of PTSD. Despite Vickers' courage and his new celebrity, I'd bet that few of us would want to stand in his shoes. I've also been thinking of Nathan Cirillo, because it's impossible not to. Although I consume very little mainstream media, a short dip into my Facebook feed is enough: the dog Ciri...

The Brockway family, 2013 I want to tell you about an exciting venture: an opportunity to help make art more accessible for all, to help a low-income woman start her own business, and to help the family of an Iraq War resister, all at the same time. I hope you'll read about BrokenArt Mosaics and share Ashlea Brockway's crowd-funding page . Wmtc readers may remember my posts about the Brockway family. Jeremy Brockway is an Iraq War veteran with severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Denied medical leave and unable to return to combat, Jeremy and his family came to Canada. Wmtc and Joy of Sox helped raise funds for the Brockways to adopt a service dog. I've written about the Brockways several times: here , here , and here , among other posts. You already know my feelings about war resisters and people who struggle with mental illness. But in my zeal to share those stories, I may have shortchanged the real hero of the Brockway story, the head of the family, Ashlea Brockway. I ...

Keyboard I love my Nexus 7. I hate the Minisuit keyboard, although the problem might be Bluetooth. To blog, I need a keyboard, and I need to use Blogger via the website, as the Android app is too limited. (That seems silly, since Blogger is a Google product.) Using Blogger online with the onscreen keyboard is very inconvenient. I can't select, can't easily make links, and can barely see where I'm typing.  I've adjusted to the tiny Minisuit keyboard. I dislike typing with two fingers, but I can do it. But I will never adjust to the cursor suddenly moving into a different paragraph, or characters not appearing onscreen for two minutes, then appearing all at once.  What to do? PTSD This afternoon my mother confessed that the reason she didn't sleep last night is because she was worried about the strange noises I was making in my sleep. She won't say what she thought was happening (superstition) but I think she was worried that I was having a heart attack or some ot...

So it turns out it's not just my snoring that's keeping Connie up at night. It's noises "that sound like you're upset," says my mother. Allan recently told me that I cry or startle or semi-scream in my sleep on a regular basis. The incidents I think of as rare are not, in fact, rare. What's rare is my memory of them. I feel I must apologize for ever telling a fellow PTSD sufferer that it eventually goes away. I was 21 years old when I was raped. If it hasn't gone away by now, it obviously never will. Thank [something] I can sleep through whatever my subconscious is going through. I wish everyone could sleep through their own demons.

More amazing stuff from Patrick Stewart. Here, he links PTSD among veterans to violence against women and children. To be anti-violence, we must also be anti-war. If you haven't seen it, please watch.

Something else I resumed after quitting my crappy day-job: attending events with friends, or, socializing through activism. Few things make me happier. I have four events to blog about. * * * * Last Friday night at Innis Hall, the War Resisters Support Campaign put on "Telling Our Story: A Fundraiser for U.S. War Resisters and Their Ongoing Struggle". The evening began with songs of hope and struggle sung by Common Thread Chorus . Common Thread's music is beautiful, but their orientation to the world is what's really impressive. They sing songs of peace, social justice, and struggle, and are committed to full accessibility - to breaking down barriers of participation. I recommend reading their inspiring history . * * * * Next, Canadian author Noah Richler spoke strongly and unequivocally against the dangers of the current political regime in Canada. That US war resisters must even make this fight to stay in Canada is, he said, nonsensical and shameful, as the war res...

Last month, I took a little road trip with a few friends from the War Resisters Support Campaign , to welcome a new baby and meet a new dog. This nice little visit would be unremarkable - if it weren't completely incredible. We visited the Brockway family. Not that long ago, no one from the Campaign had met Jeremy Brockway. An Iraq War veteran, Jeremy suffered from severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD. He was unable to leave his room. He rarely shared a meal with his family or spent any time with his children. (More background: here and here .) After hearing Ashlea Brockway speak in a Port Colborne church, Bruce Beyer, a peace activist and Vietnam-era war resister, connected the Brockways with a therapist. This doctor is himself a veteran who once struggled with PTSD. At no cost, on his own time, the doctor worked with the Brockways via Skype. And so began the gradual return to life of this wounded veteran and his young family. Ashlea read a story about service dogs for people wi...

I have great news. Buddha, the dog adopted by Jeremy and Ashlea Brockway, is now an officially certified PTSD Service Dog! And we have raised slightly more than $6,000 towards our goal of $8,000. Thank you to everyone who made this possible! Jeremy writes this about the certification and adoption. Buddha is now a certified service dog! I will share with you some stories from Buddha's certification. The certification test is comprised of several small tests. The first part of the test was how well I could load Buddha into and out of our car. We passed that easily, since we have practiced that one quite a few times - basically every time we go somewhere. Next we went to a store to do some distraction tests. Buddha and I walked around and Beth, the trainer, walked some distance behind us to observe our behavior and give the tests. We did a sudden turn, a complete 360, various sit, heel, and down commands, and walked past several people. Buddha was perfect on those. Next, Beth introdu...

Buddha, the service-dog-in-training, is now living permanently with the Brockways. Thank you to everyone who has helped make this possible. We've now raised $4,150 towards our $8,000 goal. We are brainstorming ideas on how we can expand our fundraising base. If you have any ideas, please email me. And if you want to donate, please click here . * * * * Before Jeremy Brockway started working with Buddha, he rarely left his room. Interaction with his family was limited and very difficult. The transformation is astonishing. Here are some updates. Ashlea, June 11: Buddha is now living with us! Jeremy wakes up early every morning to walk him, and they spend a lot of time playing and working together in the backyard. This means Jeremy spends a lot more time with the family, which is so wonderful! The boys love Buddha. Buddha himself is still adjusting to living with us. He was very anxious and fearful at first, and we were concerned. But he is coming around. I am hopeful that we will soon...

Help a war resister adopt a service dog! So far we have raised $3,030 of the $8,000 needed. (The ChipIn page shows the amount donated online, but does not include cheques mailed in.) Every donation brings us closer to our goal. If you can spare only $10, it will be greatly appreciated. For more information, see this wmtc post , and read a message from Jeremy Brockway on the ChipIn page.

In light of the horror show taking place in Ottawa, this would be the perfect time to post notes from " Can We Stop the Harper Agenda ," the big panel discussion at Marxism 2012. However, I'm waiting to get an audio file of the talk, which will greatly improve the post. While I wait for that, I'll try my hand at two other pieces I've been thinking about for a long time. * * * * I recently wrote about two books - What Is the What and A Long Way Gone - that I recommended with warnings. Both are excellent and well worth reading, and both deal with highly disturbing subjects, including graphic depictions of atrocities and other violence. This led me to think about the choice to read or watch that kind of disturbing, difficult material - and the choice not to. In the past, I've had no patience for people who refuse to deal with anything that might be upsetting or disturbing, people who seem to live in ignorance and denial, who steadfastly avoid anything that migh...

Click here to help the Brockway family adopt Buddha! Every donation makes a difference. Every dollar will move them closer to their goal. * * * * A US veteran commits suicide once every 80 minutes. In the US, for every soldier killed on the battlefield this year, about 25 veterans will die by their own hands . Nicholas Kristof writes: An American soldier dies every day and a half, on average, in Iraq or Afghanistan. Veterans kill themselves at a rate of one every 80 minutes. More than 6,500 veteran suicides are logged every year - more than the total number of soldiers killed in Afghanistan and Iraq combined since those wars began. Military suicides are on the rise in Canada , too. The Harper Government, so keen to send Canadians to war, is less enthusiastic about caring for them once they're home. The Department of National Defence is cutting jobs of professionals involved in suicide prevention and monitoring PTSD . After exposure to war, PTSD is all but inevitable. Indeed, it ...